Scene 1: The build up
The weeks running up to my 30th were not entirely pretty. I did not want to celebrate my birthday, period. I was about in denial about my birthday as Jay-Z and Beyonce about us knowing the twins names. No plans were being made other than my best friend flying in to spend the weekend with me.
That was as far as I was willing to engage. I wasn’t really focusing on it to be honest but it seemed like everyone around me was hell-bent on reminding me how the dating pool dries up at 30, how I’m old, unmarried and childless. And of course how I need to get a real job. I want to laugh but…
Scene 2: The breakdown
I was extremely busy and low-key depressed. So I took a life-break, a one-way ticket to the southern cape and no plans once I got there. I thought all I would do is sit by the ocean and talk to Jesus. As life would have it, He had other plans for me. That week had me build new relationships, slow down and enjoy living. This was all great and it left me in a good space heading up to the big three-oh! But people had started asking questions and putting pressure on me for example:
“30 is not a joke anymore”, “start getting real about your life” ”I can’t believe you’re still single”. And I spiralled. You know its real when the petrol attendant asks if you’re okay, in my heart I wanted to cry out ‘NO’ but I just forced a smile and an ‘I’m okay’. I found myself 3 days before my birthday lying on my bedroom floor crying for 3 hours straight. This is not the 30 I had imagined.
Scene 3: The Birthday
I literally dragged myself out of bed on my birthday. Not even looking forward to the social media onslaught of well wishes (which usually makes me feel better) but somehow it didn’t now. Nonethess my baes had a full day of birthday festivities planned and I HAD to force some enthusiasm (insert acting classes circa 1999) as not to make them feel like they’ve wasted all their time on me. I actually cannot have imagined a better day, Lana and Cleo I am eternally grateful for what you did for me. I laughed and ate and laughed and drank and laughed some more. It was everything I loved – in a day, topped off by some more love from a new favourite, Wisaal and her hubby (also these two are MAJOR goals). In a last min decision to not regret anything because YOLO I threw together a lunch with some friends and topped my birthday off in the most magical way!
Scene 4: The lesson
I have felt enormous peace since turning 30. It was inevitable and I have to run with it. I am exactly where I need to be. Despite past mistakes and decision-making I feel like I have a blank slate again, this time with more wisdom under my belt, I am incredibly excited about my future. Watch this space, Empire loading…
‘The number 30 is used as a sign of physical and mental maturity. It is an age when you are ripe for leadership. Nearly every time its number is mentioned in the bible, it is in reference with some significant event or responsibility. It’s an age when you are no longer a boy or girl. You’re a man or woman.’