Why are you still single? – The most frequently asked but most annoying ‘”I don’t really have answer to shut this person up” question ever to be formulated. And I hate answering it. Look I can’t speak for every single lady but I’m pretty sure we have similar dating experiences. I definitely know why I’m still single. Dating in 2017 is savagery. Absolute debauchery. This is my story…

I’ve recently had a guy approach me and by approach I mean DM and by guy I mean someone I actually know. He had ‘come across my profile’ (uh-huh) and noticed I had no pictures of my ex-boyfriend, whom he thought I would be married to by now (I’ll get back to this in part 2, don’t you worry). So he casually slid into my DMs, tried hitting me up. Apparently he had liked me ever since we met but I had a boyfriend at the time. Please note: I barely believe what any guy tells me anymore so I took this claim at face value.

This wasn’t exactly the best time for me and this wasn’t exactly the guy I would normally date but I decided to remain somewhat open-minded. He seemed great, showered me with compliments, made it known that he was seriously interested in me and has his life together. Awesome, right? Well not really…the more he pushed the more I backed away. I wanted things to flow naturally within a friendship and this man was ready to have me walk down the aisle and pop out some babies. Oh and when he didn’t get his way with me I got a lovely message that solidified my instinct not to rush into this:
bc

Conclusion: Mr. Too Much Too SOON

Also let us backtrack and talk about the DM situation because I KNOW I’m not the only one. I frequently hear girls talk about guys direct messaging them. Instagram is not a dating app. Social media is part of my job and I don’t appreciate you sending me requests to tell me how you can rock my world. Sidebar these men are 99% of the time in a relationship/married/sleeping with a bunch of women. My DM situations are almost always the same Modus operandi:

The professional sportsman

I can write a book on dating pro athletes it is probably the most treacherous man (in general) to date. I’ve been friends with them, dated them and been proposed to by them. I know my way around that world. These men are frequently approached by women who are under some illusion that becoming a WAG is glamorous or that being the side chick is amazing enough and not all of them are built to handle the attention.bb

My first DM encounter was a pro cricket player. I don’t know anything about cricket and had no idea who he was so I treated it like just any another guy. I had a boyfriend at the time and but insisted he ‘would wait for me’ – whatever that means. He seemed cool enough and we got along, but that ended quite abruptly when he couldn’t get what he wanted from me. You know ‘that thang’. He got so irritated and hit me with the ‘what’s your problem, we’re not 15 years old’ classic manipulator. No boy bye! I mostly get approached by pro rugby players now, I have no idea why, I know even less about this sport. Let me point out one thing, these men have no shame; they will hit you up on the same night they celebrate their anniversary or confide in you about how tough it is to live with their girlfriends.

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The worst is when they have a girlfriend but call you babe…like dude, we’re not even friends!

These men are confident, charismatic and charming. Be careful! They juggle more girls on their Snapchat than they can actually pass the ball on the field. Also can we talk about Snapchat? Ladies here is a free tip…if that man is sending you pictures or messages on Snapchat you are definitely a side-side chick. He isn’t even willing to have proof that you exist. Trust me I know, I had a guy sending me suggestive snaps only to find out he was engaged.13

So to everyone who keeps asking me the same question: why are you single? – This perhaps, not a conclusive reason – but definitely part of the problem is why I, Bronwyn will remain single for now. Dating in 2017 is the most time-consuming, emotionally draining savagery of all time.

Part 2 coming soon…