I must admit my tinder life has been fairly quiet..my apologies, mostly because I’ve been too busy having an actual life…but because of popular demand I decided to get back on the horse this evening and I have to do research for you, right? And boy oh boy I wasn’t disappointed…

Firstly, disclaimer: Tinder is not for the faint-hearted and you cannot be coming up on there thinking you’re going to fall madly inlove and have 3 beautiful babies, wrong attitude. Wrong dating app. That aside, Tinder was fun tonight…suddenly all these hotties (by my standards anyway) were online and in my area, which never happens, also a negative for living in my hood or at least in a 100km radius. I usually take a screen grab for my bae who actually has a successful tinder relationship, because screening is necessary and she would immediately eliminate by process. Either nangaaaani (meaning ‘hell no’ in slang here in SA) because she thinks his unattractive but that’s healthy because she will show me her exes and I would literally need Botox to hide the pained expression on my face. Or she would give a resounding no because she knows him (and that his possibly married) or that his bio is weird etc. So you see how fun this could be, right?!

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Another thing about Tinder is that it’s the luck of the draw and here are the guys I’ve been chatting to:

Mr. Professional baller
I’ve dated these guys before and trust me if you don’t feel like being the main chick with multiple side chicks, steer clear. No amount of fame or money is worth it. Any professional sports player especially on Tinder is just looking for a girl in every area code, NEXT.

Mr. Too good to be true
His good looking…his bio paints ‘the perfect guy’ but when you start chatting it’s a yawn fest because personality is on zero. Ain’t nobody got time for that, NEXT.

Mr. Booty call
This guy is just DTF you’ll see him in a second by the messages he sends…every second word has a sexual connotation. I’m so not down for that, this is not dial a booty, NEXT.

Mr. Weed is NOT a drug
We all know this guy…you chat to him and you talk about your interests and he just randomly throws our that he smokes, like it should be listed under his hobbies. How do I take this person seriously in life? NEXT.

Mr. If you don’t like me I’ll go psycho on your ass
Wow, I learnt this the hard way, I start chatting to this guy and he seemed pretty normal but them all he wanted to do was meet me and wife me and I’m like hold up do you even have a middle name? Like I don’t knew home boy. I politely decline and tell him that his not my type and homeboy goes straight up Jackie Chan on crack on me! I am apparently ‘probably just fat and ugly anyway’, okay. NEXT

Share your tinder fails with me in the comments below! You’re not alone in this!

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